One thing that being in Egypt has taught me is that I knew nothing about Egypt. American media failed to show me even a hint of what true Egyptian culture is. Or even middle eastern culture for that matter. Stereotypes of middle eastern women might include a bruised soul from the overbearing oppression from the men in their society. While there are distinct gender roles in Egypt, and specific rules each gender must follow, Egyptian women are not weak and timid by any means.
I cannot speak for all Egyptian women, but the women I have seen and talked to do not seem crushed under the masculine society they are in. There is no doubt, injustices that do exist in which women are treated wrongly. These injustices have a wide range from cat calling to abuse. Some are easily ignored as one ignores a fly and others take divine intervention to heal. While nearly every Egyptian woman will experience cat calling, this doesn’t seem to phase the women here. But before I get into how women here react their gender rules, let me explain them.
As shocking as it might seem to an American, women are not suppose to look men directly in the eye, at least on the streets. Now there is no eye contact police, but the assumption here is that if a woman is looking at a man directly in the eyes, it is a flirtatious action and means the woman wants to be pursued by the man. This obviously does not carry over to a workplace or family, but needs to be respected on the street.
Additionally, it is improper to laugh too loudly and what an American might see as a courteous smile, is also seen as flirtatious. These rules were extremely hard for me to adjust to as I tend to be a smilely, giggly person in general. It felt extremely rude for me to be walking through the streets head up shoulders straight and not a hint of joy on my face. I felt as if I was a foreigner that looked so aloof I didn’t have the time of day to enjoy the city I was in. Now many times I was walking through the streets with my friends so I did end up laughing and smiling at their jokes, but I tried my hardest to keep it quiet.
With the rules of eye contact and laughing, I’m sure it will come as less of a shock that men in women are not suppose to have any PDA in the streets. Its a very conservative culture, so rarely, if at all, will you find a husband kissing his wife in the streets. Even holding hands in the street is not common, although I have seen it in some younger generations here. After being here for only a month, I had gotten so use to these rules of PDA that when I went out to grab lunch with a local married couple, I internally gasped when they held hands.
I might be describing this a little dramatically, but only to show the vast difference in opposite gender interactions in Egypt verses America. Those are some of the big opposite gender rules, but with those restrictions, there are also a lot of benefits that are sometimes overlooked but extremely vital to society here. Women automatically have a strong bond here. One day my friends and I were at a Dunkin’ Donuts and as I went up to the counter to see if my order was ready, there were some local Egyptian women standing near me. The man working behind the counter was occupied doing a million other things than look at me so I could show him my receipt to see if my order was done. I knew hardly any Arabic at the time, so most of my encounters included me pointing at things until someone understood. I was trying to thing of how I could get his attention, but then one of the Egyptian women standing next to me must have seen my struggle and seeing that I am clearly VERY foreign, spoke to the man and then he suddenly gave me my order which had been done for a while now.
It’s little moments like this, but the longer my friends and I’ve been here, the more we’ve learned to take advantage of the natural blessing. So now when we walk around trying to find fruits and vegetables, we try to walk to one run by a woman. We went to the mall one afternoon to go see a movie and because the mall was enormous, we were getting very lost. We decided to ask for directions and walked up to a kiosk that a woman was present and said “Cinema?” because that’s all we knew to say, but they always understood, smiled, and pointed a certain direction. I always end with a simple “Shocran!” (which means thank you), and to see in their face appreciation that I took time to learn some of their language bonded us in the simplest of ways. I have not been in any bad situations here, but I know that if I were, I could depend on the women here to have my back.
But wait there’s more!
The gender rules don’t only bond women together, but they also bond the men. It is extremely common to see men greet each other warmly and depending on the situation with a kiss on the check (kissing on the check is common within each gender as a greeting). Boys are often bundled together around a soccer ball, and men sit and enjoy each others company for hours on end in a coffee and hookah bar. In Alexandria it was even more evident how affectionate men were to one another as the greetings were more lively and passionate. Men seemed to greet each other as if they were long lost brothers. It was extremely heart warming.
There are clear and distinct boundaries for men and women in Egypt, but these lines are not negative in nature like some Americans might assume. Like I assumed before coming here. They are rules of respect. When the women are covered, it is because they are valued and want to be kept safe. Each of these rules come from keeping each gender safe, and recognizing sometimes it is dangerous when they mix too much. I am not saying any of these rules are right or wrong, simply they come from the desire to respect one another. Before coming here I assumed these rules were meant to make women appear timid or weak, but that is not true. The women here follow these rules, not because they are weak, but because they respect their culture and family and that should be honored.
Camel Uber? 